Good Morning Friends,
One of the beautiful things about the human design is every person is unique; therefore, generalized statements, especially when it comes to fertility, should rarely be made. One harmful general statement that is often made is that “just” practicing The lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) (or even “just” breastfeeding) is the answer to “spacing out pregnancies”.
As someone who has followed every LAM rule to a tee now three times postpartum and still started cycling within two to three months postpartum every time, I know for a fact this statement is false. I will shout it from the rooftops, every woman is unique and there is no “just” about evidence-based fertility awareness and NFP.
My intention is not to sound “salty” in this week’s newsletter, but I do want to take the time to address a few of these fertility awareness myths, misconceptions, and harmful statements and why women especially should be careful about making them.
Here’s my little soapbox. Women tend to fall into comparison traps, especially in the areas of fertility and childbearing. I think it is beautiful to share our experiences, but I think a lot of harm can be done when we assume that our experience is universally applicable.
I cannot begin to tell you how many women have been hurt by the “expectations” put around birth. Just because one person had a “painless” birth does not mean everyone will or can, or that next time that same person can have the same experience. There are so many factors at play. Just because home birth was the right decision for one person, or even one birth, does not mean it’s the right decision for everyone. I could go on and on, but the reason I am even going into this is because birth is what leads to postpartum, so our expectations around postpartum and postpartum fertility should be the same.
There are way too many Catholic books out there that say something along the lines of “I was able to practice NFP by just breastfeeding or just practicing LAM. This is how our bodies are naturally designed. Just do this, and you will never have to truly practice NFP.”
I will say, this statement is not entirely wrong. Yes, breastfeeding should naturally space out pregnancies. But hopefully, you are well aware of all the benefits of charting cycles at this point outside of family planning purposes. Hopefully, you are also aware of the fact that we live in a broken world, so just like every other “natural design” nothing works in a perfect, predictable way in our fallen world.
My anecdotal experience as a biological mother, friend of mothers, and fertility awareness instructor is proof alone of the falsity of this statement. I have seen some women breastfeed partially, never exclusively, and not ovulate until three months after completely stopping breastfeeding. At the same time, I have seen many examples of women, like me, following all the LAM rules only to have their period start at 8 weeks postpartum.
Even though this can be frustrating from a convenience point of view, I want to point out that neither experience is “wrong”. Those who have suppressed fertility are benefiting from a natural process. At the same time, those who have a return in fertility are also benefiting from the natural process of hormone fluctuations. The key is to never make a general statement about postpartum fertility expectations and instead use what good science has taught us to understand what is going on.
So let’s talk about how to understand postpartum fertility and practice evidence-based NFP outside of complete abstinence.
The first step is to recognize that every woman and every postpartum is different, so be gentle with yourself and adjust your expectations. Also, communicate with your spouse about how you are physically feeling this postpartum.
Next, if you have not previously done this, learn an evidence-based method of NFP. If you have done this, reach out to your NFP instructor to schedule a meeting before you resume intercourse. They will teach you your preferred method’s NFP protocol. A good NFP instructor will stay in regular contact with you. (I make myself available for messages with my clients outside of monthly chart checks for quick questions.) You should feel confident in your understanding of your chart.
Why is this important?
First, for confidence. Postpartum couples should feel confident in their ability to practice their discerned family planning intention. The beauty of NFP is it helps couples practice self-sacrificial love while using their God-given design to practice responsible parenthood and, at the same time, always being open to life.
Second, for health reasons. Most postpartum women, regardless of the time of return of fertility, are not physically ready to carry a healthy pregnancy right away. Charting allows them to honor their physical, emotional, relational, and financial needs during this sensitive time.
All of this to say, postpartum cycles are unique, just like all cycles, and should be treated with the same, if not more, care. If you have any questions about postpartum fertility or fertility awareness/NFP in general, feel free to reach out!
God bless you, Dear Friend, and as always, I am praying for you.
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